Oscars and It Girls

Ron Jeremy

I hurried into Cisco 300-320 vce the local department store to Cisco 200-105 exam questions grab1 some last minute Chirsmas gifts. I looked at all the people and grumbled2 to myself. I CCNA 200-105 PDF would CCNA 200-105 PDF be in here 1Z0-808 exam questions forever Examdumpsview and I just had so much to do. Chirsmas was beginning to become Exampdfview such Cisco 300-320 vce a drag. I kinda wished that I could just sleep through Chirsmas. But I Exampdfview hurried the best I could through all Cisco 200-105 exam questions the people to the toy department. Once again I kind of mumbled3 to Cisco 300-320 vce myself at the prices of all these toys, and Examdumpsview wondered if the Cisco 300-320 vce grandkids would even play whit4 them. I found myself in the doll aisle5. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a little boy about CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF 5 holding a lovely doll.He kept 1Z0-808 exam questions touching6 her hair and he held her so gently. Exampdfview I Cisco 300-320 vce could not seem to help myself. I just kept loking over Examdumpsview at 1Z0-808 exam questions the little boy Exampdfview and wondered who the CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF doll was for. I watched him turn CCNA 200-105 PDF to a woman and he CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF called his aunt by name and said, “Are you sure Exampdfview I don’t have enough money?” She replied a bit impatiently, “You Cisco 200-105 exam questions know that you don’t have enough money for it.” The aunt told the little Cisco 200-105 exam questions boy not to go anywhere that Examdumpsview she Exampdfview had to go and get some Exampdfview other things and would be back in a few minutes. And then CCNA 200-105 PDF she left the aisle. The boy continued to hold the doll. After a bit Cisco 300-320 vce I asked the boy who the doll was for. He said, “It is the doll my sister wanted so badly for Chirsmas. She just knew that Santa would bring it. “I 1Z0-808 exam questions told him that maybe Santa was going to bring it . He Examdumpsview said, “No, Santa can’t go 1Z0-808 exam questions where my sister is…. I have to give the doll to my 1Z0-808 exam questions Mama to take to 1Z0-808 exam questions her. “I asked CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF 1Z0-808 exam questions him where his siter was. Examdumpsview He Exampdfview looked at me with the saddest eyes and said, “She was gone to be with Jesus.

My Daddy says that Mamma Examdumpsview is going to have to go be 1Z0-808 exam questions with her.” My heart nearly Exampdfview stopped beating. Then the boy looked at me again and 1Z0-808 exam questions said, “I told my Daddy to tell my Mama not to go yet. I told him to tell her to wait CCNA 200-105 PDF till I got back from the store.” Then he asked me if i wanted to see his picture. I told him I’d love CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF to. He pulled out some picture he’d had taken at the Examdumpsview Cisco 300-320 vce front of the store. He Cisco 200-105 exam questions Cisco 200-105 exam questions said, “I want my Exampdfview Mama 1Z0-808 exam questions to take this Cisco 300-320 vce with her 1Z0-808 exam questions so the 1Z0-808 exam questions Exampdfview dosen’t ever forget me. I love my Mama so very much and I wish CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF she dind CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF not have Exampdfview to leave me.But Daddy Examdumpsview says she will need to be with my CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF sister.” I saw that Examdumpsview the little boy had lowered his head 1Z0-808 exam questions and had grown Examdumpsview so qiuet. While he was not looking I reached into my purse and pilled Examdumpsview out a handful of bills. I asked the little boy, “Shall we count that CCNA 200-105 PDF miney one more time?” He grew excited and said, Cisco 300-320 vce “Yes,I just Cisco 300-320 vce know it has to be enough.” So Cisco 300-320 vce I slipped my money in with Exampdfview Cisco 200-105 exam questions his and Cisco 200-105 exam questions we began to count it . Of course it was Cisco 200-105 exam questions plenty for the doll. He CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF softly CCNA 200-105 PDF said, “Thank you Jesus for giving CCNA 200-105 PDF me enough money.” Cisco 200-105 exam questions Then the boy said, “I just asked Cisco 300-320 vce Jesus to give me enough money to buy this doll so Mama can take it CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF Cisco 200-105 exam questions with her to give my sister. CCNA 200-105 PDF Cisco 200-105 exam questions And he heard CCNA 200-105 PDF my prayer. I wanted to ask him give for enough to buy my Mama a white rose, but I didn’t ask him, CCNA 200-105 PDF but he gave me Cisco 300-320 vce enough to CCNA 200-105 PDF buy the doll and a rose for my Mama. She loves CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF white rose so much. “In a few minutes 1Z0-808 exam questions Exampdfview the aunt came back and I wheeled my cart away. I Examdumpsview could not keep from thinking about the little boy as I finished my Cisco 300-320 vce shoppong in a Cisco 300-320 vce ttally Examdumpsview different spirit 1Z0-808 exam questions CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF than when I had started. CCNA 200-105 PDF And I kept remembering a story I had seen in the newspaper several days earlier about a drunk driver hitting a car and killing7 a little girl and the Mother was in serious condition. The family was deciding on whether to remove the life CCNA 200-105 PDF support. Now surely this little boy did Cisco 300-320 vce not belong with that story.Two days later I read in CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF the paper where Cisco 200-105 exam questions Cisco 200-105 exam questions the Examdumpsview family had disconnected Exampdfview the life support and Cisco 200-105 exam questions the young woman CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF had died. I could not Exampdfview forget the little boy and CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF just kept wondering if the two were somehow Cisco 200-105 exam questions connected. Later CCNA 200-105 PDF that day, I could not help myself and I went out CCNA 200-105 PDF and Examdumpsview bought aome white roses and took them to the funeral home where the yough woman CCNP Tshoot 300-135 PDF was .And there she was holding a lovely white rose, the beautiful doll, and the picture of the little boy in the store. I left there in tears, thier life changed forever. The love that little boy had for his little sisiter and his mother was overwhel. And in a split8 second a drunk driver had ripped9 the life of that little boy to pieces.

It’s Oscar night. That means you have three entertainment choices: Watch the Oscars, tune in to AMC’s basic-cable juggernaut The Walking Dead, or, in a fit of damn-it-all-to-Hell whimsy, read this bit of counterprogramming from PFC that tells you what’s really happening in the entertainment world right now.

Normally, I’d just prattle on about The Walking Dead and call that counterprogramming, but the editors around here limit me to one zombie-themed story per month, and I already hit my quota. Besides, an event has just taken place that promises to shake the entertainment industry to its core, the ripple effects of which won’t be fully understood for months or even years.

That’s right. Pop singer and famous brother Jermaine Jackson has legally changed his name to Jermaine Jacksun. If you ask me, the snazzy new vowel is sure to finally get the 58 year old out from the shadow of his late brother Michael. Never mind his name is still pronounced the same way and no one has anything to say about him anyway.

Jermaine Jacksun

Mr. Jacksun shines. Literally.

Jermaine, the second-most famous member of the Jackson 5, the fourth most famous member of the Jackson family (after sisters  Janet and La Toya), and the seventh most famous Jackson overall (after President Andrew Jackson, actor Samuel L. Jackson, and painter Jackson Pollack), must have finally learned from his siblings there is no such thing as bad publicity. Even if ordinary folks like you and me think it’s sad when a 58-year-old man legally changes his name to be cuter, at least he got a headline on IMDb and Yahoo!.

If you’re wanting for idiotic headlines, head on over to Huffington Post to read “Ron Jeremy Cleared for Sex,” which went up yesterday. Huffington Post is one of my favorite websites, mostly because I like freak shows. HuffPo wants to be Newsweek, the Village Voice, O magazine, and Perez Hilton at the same time. I don’t know where a headline about Ron Jeremy being cleared for sex fits into that scheme, but it has to be the stupidest non-story to ever appear on the front page of an alleged news site. Are people lining up to have sex with Ron Jeremy? Is he the only person who knows how to have sex and, without him doing so, is a giant asteroid going to destroy the Earth? If this is what qualifies for a headline nowadays, we deserve to be killed by an asteroid.

But, please, not before Michael Bay makes his latest project, which was announced this weekend.

He picked an interesting time to tell us. If I said to you, “It’s Oscar weekend. Please name three things connected to the movie industry that will never, in a million years, have anything to do with the Academy Awards,” you would probably say Michael Bay, Megan Fox, and The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Now we are truly onto the subject of counterprogramming.

Two people – an arrogant, control-freak filmmaker who puts characters and storytelling about 10 spots below “Explosions” on the list of important movie elements, and a sexpot actress who tries to ruin her career every time she opens her mouth – are teaming up once again. This after the pair had a well-documented public feud in which Fox compared Bay to Adolph Hitler. The vehicle bringing them together is a live-action, big-budget movie about superhero Turtles in ninja costumes who hang out with a giant rat. Luckily, they’re bringing in Wrath of the Titans director Jonathan Liebesman to lend credibility.

Megan Fox

Fox won’t be appearing anywhere other than right here on PFC today.

With apologies to Ninja Turtle fans (I am personally aware of a guy who named his kids after the turtles), there’s no way this film won’t be horrible. You have (sorry again) a silly concept being produced and directed by guys who take giant robots and Greek monsters very seriously and starring an actress who pretty much does the same part in every film, heroine or villain: The bitchy hot girl. Why she hasn’t played Alexandra from Josie and the Pussycats yet is beyond me.

I’ve defended Fox in the past, partly because it bugs me the way people have such animosity toward attractive women who also have strong opinions. And partly because I have a brunette fetish. But I think the fanboy crowd interested in a Ninja Turtle movie has moved on from Megan.

It’s not easy being the It Girl. The entertainment media did their best to destroy Megan Fox, and they’ve done a pretty good job of trashing Kristen Stewart in the past year. Nothing brings out the misogynists like a successful woman.

Kerry Washington PeeplesThat’s why Scandal and Django Unchained star Kerry Washington needs to watch out. First, let’s congratulate her for being the first black It Girl. Second of all, let’s congratulate her for being the oldest at 36. I know she’s the new It Girl because every entertainment website in the world is talking about her. They’ve begun to write articles about her with nothing to say (Has she been cleared for sex?), just to keep that stream of Kerry content flowing. She’s also been the lead image for every red carpet story of the awards season so far. In the upcoming comedy Peeples, co-starring Craig Robinson and David Alan Grier (BAM!), Kerry’s face is the poster.

Washington, along with recent It Girl Kristen Stewart, will be presenting at the Oscars tonight as well. The same cannot be said of Fox. I predict that, in a fit of resentment, Megan will crash the show, pull a Kanye and jump on stage, and grab the Oscar out of Washington’s hands before she can present it. A brawl ensues.

You don’t want to miss that, just like you don’t want to miss The Walking Dead. Conundrum? No! I’ve got your evening all planned out for you: First, tune in to watch the red carpet and to see if Seth McFarlane is funny (you will need to discuss these things at work the next day), watch them give out the one good award early just to trick you into thinking the next two hours won’t be boring, flip over to The Walking Dead (you will need to discuss this at work the next day as well), read this story, and then tune back into the Oscars to watch Ben Affleck not be eligible for Best Director, which he would have won.



Eric J Baker

Comment: 1

  • JamesTuttle February 27, 20138:31 pm

    That’s so funny! I didn’t get a chance to read this great article today and, by sheer coincidence, i just spent an hour or so with LaToya late this afternoon.  Are you sure Kerry is the first black It Girl?  LaToya did Playboy back in the day, you know.
    Keep up the good work and those zombie stories!

Leave a Comment