Scarlett Rouge

SCARLETT’S LETTERS: Tarts! Frocks! Democracy!

Dear James and James —

I’ve been meaning to write you. There’s so much I’ve wanted to share, but my head has been so topsy-turvy with all these hats I wear: the chef cap coupled with visual-merchandizer visor topped by a filmmaker’s baseball cap. There are days I feel like a circus acrobat juggling while spinning, suspended in air; I stop for a moment’s reflection, amazed that I have the energy to grow so many arms. I am utterly grateful to have so many delicious ingredients to create the sweet-and-spicy dish that is ma vie.

Pucci F/W 2014

Fall Forward: Women’s Fall 2014 Fashion Trends, Pt. 2

Gentle reader,

In the final phase of preparation for the top-shelf luxury Cancun trip that the folks at Nerium are sending us on, I popped into a few shops today in hopes of finding a pair of light turquoise-colored shorts that would perfectly complete my poolside wardrobe.  Even though I know that all the high-end boutiques having been carrying only the fall collections for a month or more now, I was hoping that someplace like Zara or Urban Outfitters would still have some summer clothes, especially in the midst of the flip-flop and shorts clad Saudi and European hordes that have descended upon L.A.  Alas, I walked in from the 90-degree heat to be thwarted by flannel shirts and chunky sweaters at each attempt.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen

Row, Row, Row Your…

Gentle reader,

As you most likely have heard, the weather in Los Angeles is usually wonderfully pleasant, which is probably why so many goddamned people want to live here. There are, however, those sporadic days during the summer when it gets a little too hot in our lovely jewel box above Hollywood and the tour buses and Hollywood Bowl traffic make me want to drop pipe bombs at regular intervals along Cahuenga Boulevard. Yesterday was one such day so, after my trainer and an abbreviated hike in the hills, I decided to have a cool shower and get the fuck out of there.  I’d been dying to see my friend Mary since we both ventured forth from the Armani fold last month and it seemed a great time to visit her new home at The Row on Melrose Place, the very first boutique for the brand in the whole entire world.  And they must have air conditioning, right?

Etro Men Fall/Winter 2014

Some Crazy Shit: Men’s Fall Fashion Trends Pt. 1

Gentle reader,

I apologize for yet another gap in my coverage of what’s what in fashion. In addition to settling in at my new Rodeo Drive home base, I’ve been asked to speak at several venues around Southern California in the last few weeks — I’ve somehow become a traveling attraction on the topic of anti-aging. It looks like I have a little break in touring; my next gig isn’t until August 6th at Los Robles Golf Club in Thousand Oaks.  If you happen to be in the area, stop by around seven and I’ll buy you a drink.

Dolce and Gabbana Men 2015

The Subtle Madness of Spring: Milan Men’s Week Spring 2015

Gentle reader,

The men’s spring 2015 shows in Milan just wrapped up yesterday but I’ve been so involved in learning the ropes at my new Rodeo Drive digs, where we are basically working in a very glamorous construction zone while a remodel of mind-blowing proportions takes place around us, that it’s taken me a little time to wrap my head around what’s strutted down the runways in the last four days.  I’d been planning to touch on what ideas the guys might want to incorporate as fall wares roll into stores, but I decided instead to stay all fresh and newsworthy so here’s a breakdown of the shit that went down in Italy last weekend.

In keeping with his loose, dark feel of the fall Ermenegildo Zegna collection, Mr. Pilati started Saturday off all dark and moody with midnight blues and black in fluid, almost baggy, pants and light jackets. 

Cara_Delevingne_Michael_Kors_Mario_Testino

Fall Forward: Women’s Upcoming Trends, Pt. 1

Gentle reader,

Driving home from Beverly Hills yesterday, I passed a tall, skinny blond kid on the street wearing very short denim cut-offs, a horizontal striped crop top and a skanky Mickey Mouse ear-warmer hat thing.  He may have just been wandering around thinking it was still Gay Pride, but I took it as a sign that I’d been gone from these pages for too long.  If you, yourself, have recently committed any major fashion faux pas like wearing Uggs, sporting big Tory Burch logos or trying to pull off a dopey Pharrell hat while I was away, let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.  It’s partially my fault for leaving you alone for so long.

You see, I’ve been busy these past weeks pulling up some very deep roots in one venerable Italian fashion powerhouse and planting a seed at another. 

Paul Witt Wittmore

Men’s Fashion: Modern Classics at Wittmore L.A.

Gentle reader,

While everyone else in the Western Hemisphere is obsessing over what Jay Z might have said to make Solange go all honey badger on his ass, I am pondering more important issues like what the hell and I going to wear this summer now that’s it’s already in the mid-90s in the middle of May. My friend Charles has been working with a men’s shop that he thinks is cool in L.A.’s West Third Street neighborhood for a while now and he has pretty good taste and even runs a style blog called Dapper Dan Man, although I don’t know what the fuck that’s all about since, as I said, his name is Charles.

Fashion Over 50: Two Dames Who Got It Right

Gentle reader,

Last week in Los Angeles was a lesson in extremes for me.  On Sunday, after back-to-back champagne brunches, Scott and I dragged ourselves over to the closing festivities of MJ’s, the gay dance bar in Silver Lake, because we thought we’d regret not being there that last day to say farewell.  As it turned out, there was no one there we knew or would even want to talk to, really.  I mean, even the go-go boy was chubby.  But the next night, I was sitting at the best table in the lovely and rather exclusive Tower Bar being treated to great wines and perfectly prepared scallops in truffle oil.  Weird, right?

It’s a bit like that in fashion these days, as well.  On Wednesday people snap things up without even looking at the price tags and then, come Thursday, it’s crickets. 

Heaven Is in the Accessories: Valas Los Angeles

Gentle reader,

Have you heard about this Pinterest thing?  I’d thought it was quaintly used by fair young maidens planning their impending nuptials and “pinning” ideas to their “boards” of bridal gowns, flower arrangements and bridesmaids’ dresses that they’ll tell their closest friends they can wear again but know deep in their hearts that the dresses have to be ugly enough to make sure the bride stands out.  It turns out, though, that, if you follow the right boards, it’s pretty much like gay porn.  Without the sound, that is.  I politely “followed back”—a term I borrowed from Twitter, the other gay porn social media site in disguise—a board from a lovely lady named Jennifer Cox, whom I now suspect of not really being an anatomical lady due to her profile name, “wannabachick70.” Her bio also gives it away, just a bit: