WATCH: Marc Jacobs is a Wanker

Marc Jacobs Bang

We’re not huge fans of Marc Jacobs because in our opinion he isn’t so much a great designer as a showman for shmatas, and yet he enjoys the status of a great designer, and that’s annoying.

Marc Jacobs Met Ball

Anyone have an egg and some flour?

We have a really hard time forgiving him for showing up at the Met Ball tribute to Miuccia Prada and Elsa Schiaparelli this year dressed in a black lace see-through dress and patent leather shoes with diamanté buckles.  Yes, we understand the significance of what he was trying to do—Schiaparelli was known for her surrealist designs—but if you have to chose between paying tribute to two legendary designers and looking like shit, then wear a fucking tuxedo, dude.  Do us all a favor and err on the side of Tom Ford.  He knows how to make a swarthy face that is innately borderline vulgar look appealing. And let’s be honest, yours isn’t borderline, it’s overtly vulgar.

In case anyone finds our judgment of vulgarity harsh, we remind you of the Bang perfume ads, in which Jacobs appears shirtless.  We think this points to a distorted sense of self, a delusion that indicates he is similarly afflicted with what ails Donald Trump: Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  And marrying a porn star might make you the envy of the meth-and-poppers crowd, but it’s not going to get you membership at the Knickerbocker Club in this lifetime, which surely isn’t something Jacobs aspires to, but it’s the first thing that came to our minds as the paragon of willful non-vulgarity, of which he could use a spritz.

Now Jacobs has decided to take the porn motif to selling ugly sunglasses, with a wannabe viral spot that shows a man of similar Jacobsian facial features apparently jerking off in a public park.  We sincerely hope this spot goes ignored, and that nobody buys this overpriced waste of plastic.  But we’re not holding our breath—there’s no accounting for taste:

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James Killough

Comments: 6

  • iTheodore November 13, 20127:01 pm

    Ha! So spot on! Why the fashion crowd and the powers that be continue to anoint this fraud is beyond comprehension. And the thought of him at the Knick is enough to shutter its doors!

    • jkillough November 13, 20128:41 pm

      iTheodore ‘Tis the same with “Kaiser” Lagerfeld, a charade that has been going on even longer than Jacobs.  Good to hear from you, Theodore, as usual.

      • iTheodore November 13, 20128:51 pm

        jkillough iTheodore Thank you, James! I adore you and your pieces, and look forward to your every output.Truly. Sounds like I’m blowing wind up your skirt, but I’m sure after seeing Marc Jacobs’s insistent cross-dressing, you wouldn’t be caught dead in one. Loved the Lincoln piece too. What bothers me most about Marc Jacobs is the fact that he’s a rudderless klepto who gets “inspired” on the backs of true artists, issuing his “designs” as his own. The turnstile sensibility season upon season should make this obvious to even the most clueless, and yet! The porn star obsession? Please! Talk to the poor fellow who’s published Straight to Hell all these years with a day job’s earnings. Talk to Jeff Koons, who can be equally loathsome but exploited this terrain 20 years before Jacobs. And the tattoos? Such a cliche of cliche, this man. What the video didn’t show was the NY Times chief fashion critic on set as the fluffer! 😉

        • jkillough November 13, 20129:06 pm

          iTheodore jkillough Re fashion critics, a disgruntled fashionista on Facebook: “What is even more vulgar or tosser is those who elevate his collections to near mythic: Cathy Horyn, Suzy Menkes, et al. I would love to know what they REALLY think of his yearly Margiela, CDC and Raf knock off shows. Grrr I shouldn’t have read this, he and Lagerfeld are the the absolute worst..”Thanks for the compliments.  Keep commenting! We need comments!

  • Gil Alan November 15, 201211:51 am

    The only thing I can say about that commercial….  Lame

  • robertperez528 November 29, 20124:53 pm

    It’s what he getting off his M.J.sunglasses that bothers me.

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