INTERVIEW: Hugh Jackman, Steroids and Crying Like a Girl

Hugh Jackman Wolverine

The first image from the upcoming Wolverine starring Hugh Jackman was released yesterday.  This film had a few production problems when Darren Aronofsky dropped out and the earthquake struck the Fukushima nuclear reactors near where they were planning to shoot, which was kind of meta when you think about it: this is an X-Men character after all.  Still, I doubt it was radiation that turned Jackman into the super-shredded, spray-tanned, heavily vascular creature he is in that picture.

I thought I might ask a steroid user friend of mine, who also thinks he’s Wolverine from time to time, what he thought.  He shall remain anonymous because these things aren’t allowed in this blessed Land of the Free unless you’re dying of cancer, in which case they’re not only legal, they’re good for you.

Me:  Tell me a little about your steroid use history.

Anonymous Steroid User:  I’ve done three big cycles over the past four years.  I’m off now, I don’t think I’m going back on again.  It’s just so much goddamn work, all of the eating and stuff.  The last time I was on it I blew up like a friggin’ stud bull, I was 280 lbs., didn’t fit into anything.  I just don’t want to be a pneumatic muscle queen.

Me:  So what is your opinion of this picture of Hugh Jackman for the upcoming Wolverine?

ASU:  Boy is he ripped.  Woo-hoo!  But this is heavily airbrushed, too.

Me:  What is he on?

ASU: Testosterone base with a Winstrol stack.

Me:  Is he injecting this?

ASU:  The Winstrol is a pill.  The testosterone is two injections of about a half a gram a week.  You alternate glutes and quads, so he gets a little break from the pain.  He does his right thigh one day, then the left, then his right butt cheek, then the left, so that it alternately hurts walking and sitting.

Me:  And how long has he done this for the film?

ASU:  I would say that’s a good four to six months.

Me:  And what does the vascularity come from?

ASU:  From the Winstrol.  It’s what they call a “dry gainer.”  Favored by runners and athletes like that.  Doesn’t make you look all bloated and pneumatic.  Really shreds you down, doesn’t add a lot of water weight.  And he’s probably taking enough diuretics to dry out a fuckin’ elephant.  Like, “Whoa! I just peed for ten minutes straight!  And at the end it came out red a little bit, but that’s okay.”

Me:  You’re also a Wolverine fan.  You’ve dressed up as him for Halloween.

ASU:  Yeah, and I looked great.  I wasn’t a fan of the last movie, though.  It was just a lot of snarling and chopping.  And the helicopter scene was retarded.

In terms of the ethics of doing steroids for these films, fuck it, if you’re going to do these things, might as well do them.  Remember Gerard Butler in 300?  That’s the net result of a lot of testosterone and probably Anadrol.  And then he deflated afterwards and became really fat.

When you come off steroids, it’s like popping a balloon, but it’s also this extended comedown, you know, like after a weekend of heavy drugs you have one or two days when you’re feeling shitty and weepy.  But this goes on for months and months.

Me:  So that’s why Gerard Butler is always depressed?

ASU:  Well, that and the closet homosexuality.  When he came off, he probably had extended crying sessions with his therapist about mom and dad.

Gerard Butler Body 300

Sparta, where the men are men, and the women’s chests are smaller.

Me:  Sorry, is this Jackman or Butler?

ASU:  Both, probably.  Is there a difference?  Jackman probably had to go to a good Broadway show, like Next To Normal, had a good girl cry and released a lot of what was making him feel bad.  Then did a lot of cardio.

Me:  The director of this Wolverine is actually pretty good, James Mangold.  Have you seen his work before?  He did 3:10 to Yuma.

ASU:  Meh, that was all right.

Me:  And Walk the Line, the Johnny Cash story with Joaquin Phoenix.

ASU:  I loved that.

Me:  What about Knight and Day with Tom Cruise?

ASU:  I don’t watch Tom Cruise films.

Me:  So this new Wolverine is shot in Japan, which you’re gonna like because you’re into Asians.  Lemme read you the log line:  “Wolverine travels to Japan to train with a samurai warrior.”

ASU:  Aaaaawwww, boy.  Here’s what it probably is: He goes to Japan, gets his ass kicked by some samurais, has a big learning curve, grows his claws back, becomes even more shredded on the Winstrol, kicks some ass and gets respect and he’s given bushido status.

Me:  Frank Miller is one of the credited writers, the guy from Sin City.

ASU:  Oh, in that case it’ll be really camp, but not in the way the Brits use camp, meaning faggy.  But in the proper camp way, as in over the top, comic book like.  It might be good.  I’m kinda looking forward to it now.

Me:  Anything else you want to add about steroid use in Hollywood?

ASU:  Now that I think about it, I should really come out there and become a quote unquote Hollywood trainer.  It’s really easy because all you are is a steroid provider and injector.

Me:  I dunno, there’s some fierce competition out there.

ASU:  If I’m working directly for Hugh Jackman, I’ll name my price, trust me.  And for my shut-up money, too.  Especially my shut-up money.


Comments: 12

  • BanjoFromMars September 25, 20125:27 pm

    1) Musicals & Cliches: 2) Hugh Jackman Dismisses Gay Rumors (so, live with it) 3) This jumble of crazy shit can be summed up in this way: it’s pathetic and hilarious at the same time see how some men react in front of another man much more attractive, talented, smart, rich and lucky than them. The same hysterical, desperate, childish and uncontrollable reaction of a ugly-fatty single woman looking Angelina Jolie. Anthropologically interesting… Ok James Killough, try to eat a whole box of ice cream with two or three tubes of Pringles, instead of see gays where there are none, it’s a good consolation for every frustrations…with sour spinsters it works pretty well. 

    • jkillough September 25, 20125:38 pm

       @BanjoFromMars Congratulations, Banjo, that is the single most delirious, nonsensical comment ever on this site. But, uh, thanks for reading? I guess.

  • AnnunakiStratos September 25, 20125:47 pm

    A little curiosity, you’re gay or just jealous? Well, if you think it’s just steroids and this can help to calm your inferiority complex …but hard work at the gym, special diet, good health, excellent coaches, constant medical guidance and perseverance produce these results on predisposed individuals. It’s a factor of genetics, we’re not everyone equal in this respect, are required a series of factors that can make possible results like these, if a man has genetic characteristics unfavorable cannot get this type of physical form, even with steroids. I’d like to have blue eyes but no one in my family has blue eyes. P.S. Look for gays elsewhere, here there are none.

    • jkillough September 25, 20127:13 pm

       @AnnunakiStratos You can continue commenting because you’re so insane and we happen to enjoy that here at PFC, but you must comment as a single user. We can see that you are posting from the same IP address as BanjoFromMars.  Speaking of your location, there are plenty of gays in Rome, Italy; I know because that’s where I learned to be gay.  But growing up there I was also one of the few with blue eyes. 
      Mi hai capito, frocione?

  • JamesTuttle September 25, 20127:47 pm

    That is hilarious, you guys! What a great idea!  And I love how someone is taking it so seriously, even if they are clearly a nutjob.
    Keep up the good work!

    • jkillough September 25, 20128:22 pm

       @JamesTuttle I know, we’re loving ASU. He’s a funny man.

  • SteroidAuthority September 26, 201211:17 am

    Actually I happen to be better looking than Hugh Jackman, so jealousy it is not.If you have “Annunaki” in your handle, chances are you think they’re coming back to evaporate everyone but you and your 20%.It’s steroids, steroids, steroids! Deal with it! It’s how things are done, Son. 

  • ferozagr June 1, 20142:05 am

    Hmm your friend knows nothing about the use of roids… he’s done 3 cycles and he is suddenlty able to say what someone else he used based on what he used… pfff 
    Winstrol is both injectable and a pill, you don’t know what he might have used. Testo comes in many forms and it is contained in Winstrol as well. 
    Win and Testo are not a good cycle, they are more of a rookie Cycle and someone like Hugh Jackman wouldn’t do a rookie Cycle.
    4-6 Months (pills?) you can’t really go more than 2 months on winstrol pills unless you want to die. (Liver) In 4 months you’d killed your liver already.
    Hugh Jackman I assume has Doctors down there that perscribe drugs for him. (Yes money can do anything you want)
    He is definitely using HGH with some Testosterone Prop. He might have added some Primobolan, some win for 2 months, anavar, clenbuterol. All that in a 6 months period with the proper stack at each time, and you can get like Hugh Jackman if you are it his muscle base…
    Remember steroids is cheating for those that already have a good body base, if you are trying to actually use steroids to build your body from nothing, you won’t go far!

  • Pyrochyde July 20, 201410:37 am

    ferozagr Agreed…. who the fuck would cycle 6 months of orals? Especially a dude with his kind of income and association with top doctors? lol.. ASU is full of shit.

  • DarrenMoore January 27, 20157:14 pm

    It’s sad that they can’t make a movie nowdays without taking huge amounts of Anabolic Steroids..the real training for health and fitness is becoming extinct….these Hollywood actors go to crap when they don’t take steroids

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