So Sue Me, Seema

This will no doubt be the most post-modern ‘meta’ post I’ve ever written.  This is a comment to a comment left on Thursday by Seema Kalia, whose trials and tribulations I commented on in an earlier post.  The Daily Beast has also commented on this combustion of comments with two words: “No comment.”  This post itself will no doubt draw further comment, perhaps even some fire from Seema in the form of a frivolous lawsuit.

I should sue myself for not only having posted this image in an earlier story, but having Photoshopped it. However, I’m in America, snuggled under a blanket called the First Amendment, unlike John Galliano, who is facing prosecution in France for expressing himself.

Why frivolous?  Because the basis of Seema’s complaint against me, as well as The Daily Beast, is defamation, which as any TV legal drama will tell you is extremely difficult to prove in this country.  However, despite having a Juris Doctor degree that should teach her better, or perhaps because of it, Seema has limitless resources and seems to be keen to use them to tidy up her image.

As the old ad campaign goes, there are some things money cannot buy.

Even though this entire blog was set up to chronicle my troubles and eventual lawsuit with my landlady, the Wicked Blais, the Spanking Galliano piece was the first time I tested the limits of defamation/free speech when it comes to a public figure, which includes someone who has willfully thrust herself in the news.  I had never related an anecdote about a famous person I’ve known beyond a dinner party table, so it was quite thrilling, a combination of the adrenaline from doing something dangerous and the rush a show-off gets when he’s elevating himself by dropping names.

But once the ephemeral feelings were gone, the tremendous surge in hits to this blog that a salacious, topical story brought in was the true boon, and the most interesting aspect of having posted it, professionally speaking.  Again, PFC is a content creation company, so we are always testing what works and what doesn’t.

Despite the fact the “Mark Zuckerberg Has a Small Dick” post is read by over a thousand people a day, and that he has limitless resources, Zuckerberg himself would never come after me, perhaps because he would have to prove the headline wrong in court, and can’t.

A producer of mine, who also has a law degree, was concerned at the time that I would be setting myself up for a defamation suit from Galliano, but her expertise is entertainment law, so it is understandable that she didn’t understand the nuances of defamation, which aren’t nuances at all, really; they’re quite unsubtle.  Basically, I can talk about anything that happens to me, and express my opinion about anything, without fear of prosecution, or of being forced to take down articles “by COB” (love that) simply because someone featured in them feels they defame her.  To win a defamation suit in a country famous for its free speech, Galliano would have to prove that he didn’t lock himself in a lavish bathroom at the Plaza Athénée Hotel in Paris to do coke with my sober epileptic German lover, offer to fellate him and then get himself spanked, following which he would have to prove that this allegedly false story of mine (but it’s true) irreparably damaged his career.

I think he did that all by his lonesome.

Seema, in case you mistake this blog for an actual news outlet—and for someone who is so prodigious with her presence online, I don’t know how you could; we don’t even have an RSS newsfeed from other sites—the word “opinion” appears in the center of our header.  This alone protects us under the First Amendment to the fullest degree.

Imagine if the fashion houses came running after our style guru James Tuttle every time he snipped apart a collection.  He’d have nothing left to wear.

I should be far more concerned about drawing fire from the Times of India, which has even more limitless resources to prosecute me for defamation than Seema does, if the word “limitless” weren’t already an absolute.  Alleging that the Miss India Pageant is rigged is pretty serious; it calls into question every pageant win ever in that country, and there have been a few Miss Indias who have go on to win Miss Universe.  The problem is, the rigging was all caught on tape, and there was a vast audience watching that slipshod performance of petty corruption unfold onstage.  Let’s not forget the weeping contestants themselves, the ones who should have won, who have been seething in their dressing rooms for nearly twenty years like so many Miss Havershams, no doubt shredding issues of that tabloid-ish broadsheet, waiting for their day of revenge.

With the formerly impregnable Rupert Murdoch on the run, I would imagine the Jain family, owners of TOI, have thought it wise just to ignore me and let another twenty years go by.

The one who should really sue me is Muammar Gaddafi, whom I have turned into Mama Gaddafi, fearsome black “booger” drag queen, disgruntled that she is repeatedly rejected from RuPaul’s reality shows.  Regrettably, that falls under the heading of political satire.  Mama G would have better luck sending one of her hit squads after me than pursuing me in court.

Radical feminist poet and playwright Mama Muamah Gaddafi, author of “For Bedouin Girls, Who Have Considered Homicide When the Sand Dunes Are Too Ruff,” shows her followers that you don’t have to wear trousers to behave like a man.

Now that Mama G is winding down, it’s Marcus “Marcia” Bachmann’s turn to be tarred and feathered in true Revolution-era Tea Party style by being feminized up and down the dark humor halls of PFC.  Not that ex-gay Marcia needs any help with those fabulous flapping wrists she has.  It’s only a matter of time before skeleton dildos and meth hookers come tumbling out of that closet and sweep Marcia and Michele back to the forgotten frozen flyover tundra from whence they slithered.

Aside from the Daily Beast lawsuit, in which she alleges that Nick Summers “planted” a story about her, the reason you know that Seema is serious about going after everyone with defamation suits is the wording in her comment.  She calls it a “deliberate retaliatory and defamatory smear campaign that has left me unemployable in both the fields of law and journalism.”  Indeed, in order to have the slightest chance of winning a defamation case, Seema has to prove in court that this purported smear campaign, which implies a conspiracy, has damaged her employability and caused her loss of income.  If I were the wife of a super-wealthy hedge fund manager, I really wouldn’t go there, but I wouldn’t go any place Seema has been so far with this.

And it pays to remember that it is still the Great Recession: publications that would hire you as a journalist are closing down everywhere; lawyers are bagging groceries at Trader Joes, if they are lucky enough to get the job.  But it’s understandable that you would be a little Marie Antoinette in you attitude towards the realities of the job market, Mrs. Vedula Murti.

Even though I have read the PDF docs Seema sent me via email, with again a veiled threat of a defamation lawsuit, I am not interested in commenting on her case except to say that I agree with State’s Attorney Cyrus Vance that it does not warrant further investigation into Trinity School’s finances.  (Seema, you are more than welcome to post links to your proof in the comments section for readers to judge for themselves.)

Looks at those wrists. Now THAT is a queen who knows how to wave.

This might lead her to suspect I am in on this greater smear campaign conspiracy.  Before you let that paranoid-obsessive earwig wiggle its way into your mind, Seema, you should disabuse yourself of it completely.  While I did attend Trinity, I am a total deadbeat alum to them.  As an artist who lives by the seat of his pants on the best of days, I will probably never have enough discretionary capital to make a donation beyond buying a cupcake at a bake sale, which is not the sort of fundraising event Trinity would ever engage in, anyway.  As for my association with Newsweek/Daily Beast, I did get a comment for this post from their PR guy, Andrew Kirk, after Seema herself started making comments and sending emails, but that was just a halfhearted attempt to seem somewhat journalistic.

One word that I used about Seema in my original post, “demented,” is the only thing that can be perceived of as slightly slanderous, but certainly not by a court.  I’m not using the strict definition of the word demented; despite the fact she has referred to herself on her own Facebook page as “unhinged,” and in the court documents she filed as having suffered a “breakdown,” I am not saying that Seema suffers from dementia; that would belittle people who are actual victims of that terrible disease.  I am using the word in its informal context, which is defined as being “driven to behave irrationally due to anger, distress, or excitement.”  This is clearly supported by subsequent words in my post, in which I urge Seema to drop the case and let go of her rancor like a helium balloon.

I would still urge that.  Lawsuits are stressful, frustrating and can be unhinging, especially if you aren’t getting anywhere with them.

If you are still inclined to sue me, Seema-jan—and I do mean the “jan” (dear heart) because I understand how upset you must be over all this, and I am not uncompassionate—I am a very difficult man to reach, as elusive as the Scarlet Pimpernel.  I have no property, few tangible assets, and I am basically itinerant, and plan to stay that way; it makes my work that much easier and unencumbered.  But I’m not a bad man, or unreasonable, so if you do want to continue this discussion you are free to leave comments here, provided you don’t schiz out too badly, in which case the comments will be removed at my discretion.

If you are thinking about digging up dirt to fling at me, you would be wiser to do that to people who don’t wish, like I do, that their reputations were more tarnished than they already are.  For anything more serious, I direct you to my attorney, my dear longtime friend and all-around wonderful human being, Mark Beigelman, one of the finest entertainment lawyers in the business.

And this whole thing has been nothing if not entertaining, so thank you for that.

Comments: 36

  • Joe July 19, 20118:01 am

    Seema is my former employer and is threatening to sue me as well for slander and libel.I worked for her for a ‘minute” and never had a contract and never got paid. I loved your piece you wrote.

    • Pure Film Creative July 19, 20118:13 am

      She’s a real piece of work, but there are so many of these nutty, wealthy women in New York who have nothing better to do than stomp up and down the avenues using them like warpaths. She cannot sue you if you talk about your experience, and again she has to prove that the slander has been somehow detrimental to her career and that she has lost income.

      I am extremely please that you in particular liked the article and might have found some benefit from it.

      • Joe July 20, 20116:41 am

        I genuinely feel sorry that she has taken it to this level. I think she did a disservice to herself by stopping work after she got married. She should remember that she was an advocate for Women and Minorities in the workplace.I think for anyone–money and alot of it can be corrupting, she has too much time on her hands by not working, It is just my opinion about this. I would say to her if I could, chill out Seema. The world is not out to get you. If for once she could look at the whole situation especially her part in all of this, then maybe she could find peace within herself and let all of this go.

  • Pure Film Creative July 20, 20118:22 am

    I believe Seema is following this blog and probably the comments. I agree with you, Joe, but she would probably say that because of what has happened, she is unable to find work helping women and minorities. If I had that sort of money at my disposal, I’d start my own firm.

    It would not appear from her emails to me yesterday that she is anywhere ready to let go.

    • JK July 21, 20116:10 am

      Then I genuinely feel bad. She could be so much fun back in the day, I wonder what happened to her to change all of that. I hope she can find some sort of peace and just move on with her life. Life is too short to hold grudges I think, and if you become consumed by holding a grudge,in the end you lose out. I hope it all works out for everyone concerned, including her.

      • JK July 21, 20117:46 am

        by the way JK are my real initials, there have been so many of us who have worked for Mrs Murti in the last 10 years-collectively we could write our own book that would sell even better than “The Devil Wears Prada” not that I view her as the devil.

        • Pure Film Creative July 21, 20119:38 am

          It takes a certain personality type to get by in New York, for sure. And it can be devilish.

  • Melissa Ulto July 9, 20128:40 pm

    hi fellas!

    i too worked briefly with Ms. Thang, until she wanted to show up at Occupy in Chanel and pearls. me telling her no put her in one of her famous snits and we were done. (wheee i was free!!!)

    so anyway, of course she did not pay me for a video i produced for her (co-wrote, shot and edited), but thankfully, i took it down, cause it was kinda libelous. even as a parody, it skirted some areas…

    well, i’m also a journalist, and this story just got WEIRDER. she is now writing her own memoir:

    i’m writing an article about my experience with her and the bully pulpit she uses, and i’d like to hear more stories from other people she’s worked with. your idea about a group book and maybe a group doc would be hilarious.

    one summer with her was enough, and a year of knowing her has been…interesting…

  • AS October 30, 20121:37 pm

    I worked for her several years ago and wow, just wow. She’s an eccentric woman who needs professional help. It sounds like the whole scuffle with Trinity began because a school psychologist wanted to examine her daughter, which probably would have helped Lola after what Seema’s put that child through. Ugh. Let me in on the group book.

    • jkillough October 31, 201210:37 am

      I love this. It’s like the Seema Khalia coffee klatch.  I don’t know her personally, but New York is rife with these people, just as Hollywood draws narcissists and schizophrenics.  Hopefully Lola will be fine.  Thanks for reading.

  • yuol November 29, 20126:23 pm

    I loved her recent attempt to con people out of money for her book on Kickstarter….I was on the floor laughing when she only raised $500.00 of the $10,000 she hoped for…she is such a huge loser

    • jkillough November 30, 201211:38 am

      @yuol That is just all kinds of sad.

  • yuol November 29, 20126:23 pm

    She is well known for not paying employees

  • yuol November 29, 20126:33 pm

    The “Bully Pulpit”…that is the perfect description because once she turns on a person, she becomes a terrible bully. A former personal assistant referred to her as “Auntie Maimed” Rich, boozy and dangerous

  • Viv September 26, 20137:35 pm

    Did you read the latest about Kalia. I love karma, I love that she had her kids taken away from her 10 months ago…the most healthy thing ever to have happened to the “delusional” one. I genuinely feel for her children, but they will be better off in the long run away from her as she is just plain craaaaaaazy

  • jkillough September 27, 20137:54 pm

    @Viv I’d like to say it’s sad, but I’ll say “Toldja so!” instead.

  • viv September 28, 20139:29 am

    jkillough She has ZERO income now. The ex husband cut off her credit cards and the courts stopped spousal support. I wanted to reach out to her and let her know that Taco Bell was hiring in Midtown as is 7-11. The ex has a restraining order against her that also applies to the children so she is not allowed anywhere near them. By the way,did she sue you afterall?

  • jkillough September 30, 201310:27 am

    @viv jkillough No. She had no grounds for defamation.

  • jkillough October 8, 20132:44 pm

    NYCnutbar Thanks for this. It’s all very sad, and sadder that she is constantly being made an example of regarding free speech/defamation.

  • Viv October 8, 20137:06 pm

    jkillough NYCnutbar she has now been charged with 2nd degree Felony Assault while being held at Rikers. It has gone from bad to worse. Arrested for violating a restraining order is one thing but for her to exacerbate the situation further by assaulting someone while in jail….I just shake my head. I am also pissed off that she and her followers are crying “poor Seema” like she was some saint done wrong by the powers that be. She caused all of this

  • Beth January 29, 20146:10 pm

    Old Seema is STILL in jail at Rikers. She has her next court date on March 14. I wish there were pictures of her in her prison garb

  • jkillough January 29, 201411:50 pm

    @BethMaybe she’ll come out a really tough diesel dyke and release a hip-hop album.

  • Beth February 8, 201410:34 am

    jkillough  I hope so.. Do you think she has a mullet now? LOL

  • Beth February 8, 201410:37 am

    jkillough  Word has it that she keeps telling everyone that the charges against her are false and she is actually a “political prisoner”. That she was jailed as she was about to testify about corruption for The Mooreland Commission. I have tried unsuccessfully to find out why she was even called to testify in the 1st place??????

  • Beth February 8, 201410:39 am

    jkillough  I just looked it up and the night she was to speak was an open forum–ANYONE  could speak but she is making it like she was called to speak, like she is an expert, she is definitely an expert in the art of Bullshit

  • Beth February 8, 201410:46 am

    jkillough  She was arrested as she was about to speak at “The Mooreland Commission on Public Corruption”. She has since claimed that she was asked to speak–NO SHE WAS`NT!. It was an open forum, anyone could get up and speak. She was arrested outside but that is because she had made a big deal of telling everyone she was going to speak at the Commission on Twitter and FB and the Police were looking for her already because she had violated the restraining order against her by her ex-husband. She actually has several bloggers who keep posting that she is a Political Prisoner when in reality she is solely in jail because of the restraining order as well as felony assault against her ex and contempt of court when she screamed at the Judge in November and carried on like a lunatic.

  • jkillough February 9, 20147:13 pm

    @Beth jkilloughI feel sorry for truly insane people.

  • n69n May 30, 20152:32 pm

    I STILL have nightmares about Seema!

  • Tagdrega July 3, 201511:33 pm

    I long to feel Seema’s mouth and tongue all over my ripe anus.

  • Anna A December 20, 20162:21 am

    Recently had an unsettling experience with the subject of this post and wish I had googled her first.  I suspect her of repaying a kindness in a distinctly underhanded way.  She has since blocked me on all social media so I can’t reach her.  Would love to have a chat with you about her.  You can reach me at 10finetoes at comcast dot net.   Thanks.

  • n69n December 20, 20166:25 am

    So Seema still out in the world making decent people’s lives hell?

  • Anna A December 22, 201612:03 pm

    n69n I can’t prove it but strongly suspect so.  Don’t mean to sound like her but I don’t want to post my suspicions here / publicly.

    • Pure Film Creative March 6, 20179:18 pm

      I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience, but I have nothing to add to this story or the situation. Many thanks for reading and best of luck with your quest.


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