Banana Hammock: Anna Karenina’s First Fashion Strike‑Out

Gentle reader,

Did you know that there is an entire cable network dedicated to food?  It’s called the Food Network so it’s kind of hard to miss.  In keeping with their desire to call it like it is over there, they have a show called Cupcake Wars, which is a competition where they bake cupcakes.  Where is the creativity, the nuance in titles like that?  If this shit keeps up, witty sarcastic people like me will be out of work all over the damn place.  On the other hand, The Learning Channel’s biggest success is ironically Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, a show about ignorant hillbillies that require subtitles to understand, so maybe we’ll be in business for a while after all.

Anyway, the episode I happened to see of this cupcake show challenged contestants to include at least two things from a long list of smoked ingredients that sounded a little disgusting at first.  When the girl from Indiana decided to make a corn muffin with crumbled bacon on top, I started to warm up to the idea.  Then she added bacon maple cream cheese frosting and topped it with candied bacon and bacon popcorn and I thought, “Why doesn’t she just put some fucking bacon on a plate and call it a day?”