There is one trailer we will never be seeing. Charlie Kaufman’s project Frank or Francis, which had been in development for years, officially died today when its star Elizabeth Banks told The Vulture that the film “was ready to go and, as many movies do, it fell apart.”
Margaret Lyons, who broke the news, responded in her short article “Nooooooo! Why can’t we have nice things? Is it because they are impossible to finance on account of their whimsical yet ultimately rewarding and engaging strangeness?” That would be a resounding yes, Ms. Lyons.
Cripes, internet people! Think of any subject that can possibly be discussed and at least 50% of you are in a raging fury about it. Michele Obama wants kids to eat more healthfully? That evil witch is tearing up the Constitution right before our eyes! The Bachelorette chose Hank over Luigi? Firebomb your congressional rep’s car in revenge! Raisins in cinnamon toast? Mass suicide is the answer!
So, wait. Lisa Bonet has a kid named Zoë with a Jew named Lenny Kravitz, then pops out two more with "Conan" star Jason Momoa 22 years later? We thought it was wit that bagged the young hunnies. Can't be. It's the seaweed.
The big topic that has folks frothing this week is remakes, now that the new versions of Conan the Barbarian and Fright Night have hit theaters. The argument goes, “How dare Hollywood screw with these classics? It’s heresy I tell you!” Yes, because that shot of Arnold Schwarzenegger punching out a camel in Conan rivals the baptism scene at the end of The Godfather for cinematic brilliance. Because Kurosawa saw the original Fright Night, said, “Fuck it. I can’t top that,” and quit making movies.
As snarky as I tend to be in these pages, I do have a conscience. I felt guilty about passing judgment on a film the other day without actually having seen it. What I did was a bait-and-switch review, as Baker named it, by leading with how I would never want to see Beginners, but went to see Bridesmaids instead. I said about Beginners, “It has chatty indie quirky feel-good Sundance Festival flick written all over it, which means I’m likely to hate it.”
I can't post yet another picture of Ewan McGregor. So I'll put in who I thought would have made a better lead in "Beginners." Michael Fassbender would have been perfect, too.
So I dragged my conscience-laden ass to the Arclight last night and, yeah, just as I thought, I pretty much hated Beginners. If wanting to reach into my pocket, pull out my Blackberry and play World Series Poker for additional stimulus is an indication of how bored or annoyed I am, I stopped myself from reaching for it five times during the course of the film.
I promised you a gratuitously assonant title to make up for all of the wanton alliteration the past few days, so there you have it. I know you’ve been waiting for it like my nieces on Christmas Eve, peeking at my blog every so often trying to guess what sort...