American Hustler Mert Marcus

Turn That Smile Upside Down: Milan Men’s Fashion Week Fall 2014

Gentle reader,

Now that the dust has settled a bit after this month’s men’s Fashion Week marathon, I thought it might be a good time to look back over what we saw in Milan and Paris on that nine-day run when we’re less inclined to be swept away by the spectacle of the show or spew bile on a collection because we didn’t have a chance to have our morning coffee.

And by “we”, of course, I mean “I.” I don’t expect to be treated like a princess or anything but please don’t make me look at clothes, even my own, before I’ve had at least a gulp or two of coffee.

The general feeling in the industry over Milan seemed to be that everything was a bit sad due to the current economic picture in Italy and that the collections were workable but uninspired. 

Prada Mens Fashion SS 2013

Say What You Want to the Damn Dress, It’s Time for Men’s Spring Fashion!

Gentle reader,

The holiday season has officially begun, I guess.  Scott went to Brad Grey’s holiday party at Spago the other night and left me at home to plan out this year’s Christmas tree and watch Say Yes to the Dress: Bridesmaids.  The one thing that stood out about this episode, aside from the fact that I was not at Brad Grey’s holiday party, was tits.  I guess if you think about it, that’s two things standing out, but it’s a grammatical question that is more than I can deal with right now.

You see, I’ve been up to my neck for weeks in women’s clothes and now I’m watching a show where the main challenge is keeping multitudes of enormous boobs from spilling out of these ugly bridesmaids’ dresses.  That’s too much female shit for any guy who doesn’t do drag on a regular basis.  At least skinny, twinkie consultant Brandon isn’t dressing like an idiot these days.  Oh wait, he just showed up wearing a cheap napkin as a cravat.  Never mind.

With all this estrogen flowing, I thought it might finally be time to get back to us guys and what we should be looking for next season.  First of all, the bright jeans that we originally saw on Jon Kortajarena in that great Mavi Jeans campaign are going to be around next season too, which is cool because I got a bright yellow pair at Abercrombie and can’t wait to wear them some more.  Nearly identical yellow jeans were shown at Gucci and they had some other brightly colored looks, as well, so that’s our first spring 2013 trend: bright colors.

Emporio Armani

Emporio Armani

Ferragamo really knocked it out of the park with color, too, but it was less about neon and more “ice cream” tones than last spring.  Every look was shown with amazing multi-colored sneakers that I would personally never wear, even though they were interestingly inspired by the paintings of David Hockney.  But that’s not as interesting as the time that I called David Hockney at home.  My friend, actor Ian McKellan, had been nominated for an Academy Award and I was told that he was staying at the home of a fellow Brit so I rang up the day before the Oscars to wish him good luck.  David Hockney answered the phone and told me that Ian was in an interview with Barbara Walters or someone.  I never get star struck, really, but chatting with this iconic artist was probably as close as I’ll get.

Olive Oyl Dressing

TUTTLE MODE

by James Tuttle

Gentle reader,

You’ve probably heard that the traffic in Los Angeles can be, well, challenging at times.  More specifically, it sometimes makes me want to drive my car off a cliff but there are fortunately no cliffs between Beverly Hills and central Hollywood so the worst that could happen would be crashing over a hedge into the Ralph’s supermarket parking lot.  My evening commute was especially nightmarish last week with D.J. Kaskade’s Twitter-incited riots one day and Lady Gaga’s last minute outdoor concert the next, both shutting down the streets of Tinseltown and causing epic delays.

Project Runway's hotness of yesteryear Jack Mackenroth (Rick Day photo)

When I finally dragged my annoyed ass through the door the other night, it was a wonderful surprise to see that the new season of Project Runway was about to start.  I mixed a drink, lit the ivy-scented Diptyque “Lierre” candle, a gift from the fabulous Miss Fay of AmateurCouture.com, and settled in for the adventure.

If You Dare Wear Short Shorts

TUTTLE MODE

by James Tuttle

Gentle Reader,

Are you sitting down?  If not, maybe you should be.  I have something to tell you.  You may have come to know me as an icon of taste and style over these past weeks but I have a terrible admission.  I’m not actually perfect.  For one thing, my left thumb bends a little crooked, the result of a nasty childhood break.  And that’s not the worst of it.  I am also recovering from an acute addiction problem.

The last thing I wanted to do was disappoint you, especially now that we’ve become so close.  If you think back over our history, we’ve been betrayed by Balmain together, dealt with trampy Housewives, and confronted drag as an art form.  You and I have even learned some tricks for the over-40 guy and gone on the lam from the damn mafia, so I feel I should be honest with you.  I’m just going to say it.  I was addicted to HGTV.

I don’t know how it started.  I can’t even remember which show I first watched on this seductive network but it was quickly followed by another and then another until HGTV was on whenever I was home.  You have to admit that Candice Olsen does very glamorous work with her gas fireplaces and crystal chandeliers.  David Bromstad designed great rooms in the Bay Area, especially when he wasn’t wearing his shirt, before he tanked on the Miami season.  Maybe he started wearing his shirt too much.

David Bromstad could really warm up a room without his shirt on. Then he put one on and went to Miami and... ho hum.

And don’t get me started on Sarah’s House!  Unbeknownst to them, I was involved a love triangle with Sarah and her witty sidekick Tommy, as they overhauled a sixties suburban split-level one season and then a Victorian farmhouse the next.