Star Wars Natalie Portman

The 6 Most Bizarre Emotional Reactions in the Star Wars Saga

Now that evil genius George Lucas claims to be done wrecking Star Wars, all that remains for the rest of us is to continue dissecting it, parodying it, bitching about it, and otherwise obsessing about it until the universe implodes. Oh yeah, and making stupid lists.

Following the grand tradition of mocking minor incongruences such as…

1. How come R2D2 has two legs in some scenes and three in others?

2. Why do light saber blades stop where they do?

While ignoring major ones such as…

1. Why do all the planets have the same gravity and only one ecosystem each?

2. How come everybody knows everybody in a galaxy 200,000 light years across, but I don’t know my neighbor in the next apartment?

… PFC presents this list of the 6 least-appropriate emotional reactions in the Star Wars saga:

Giant Robots and the Supermodels Who Love Them


 by Eric J Baker

And for my next trick, I will attempt to write intelligently about Michael Bay and the Transformers franchise.

My qualifications for doing so are:

1. I’m not a movie critic.

2. I’m not a Sci-fi summer blockbuster fanboy who drives a yellow Camaro with a BMBLBEE license plate (I swear to Your Deity that I saw that very thing in the Costco parking lot the other day and laughed heartily).

3. Megan Fox vs. Rosie Huntington Whiteley in a no-holds-barred, bikini mud-wrestling extravaganza. This isn’t really a qualification, but today is Str8 Sunday here at PFC and I get to girl the place up for the next 24 hours.

Megan Fox (left) and Rosie Huntington Whilteley, brought to you by Maxim Magazine, casting summer blockbusters since 1999.

First, I’ll address the fanboys’ case… Lads, saying, “But Transformers movies are supposed to be stupid!” will never be an impressive counterpoint to any argument. And now, moving onto the professional reviewers…