Don't Get Madge, Get Even


by James Tuttle @TuttleMode

Gentle reader,

If you’re like me, you’ve been so busy this past week that even RuPaul’s Drag Race sits unwatched on your DVR.  There was no way I was going to miss one of the biggest events in television history on Sunday, though.  After months of anticipation, no-fly zones over Indianapolis and nationwide stockpiling of chicken wings and tortilla chips, Madonna Bowl finally arrived!

Former footballer Seth Kuhlmann did not play in Sunday's game. Unfortunately. (Photo: Rick Day)

Scott and I popped over to our friends Michael and Joel’s Madonna Bowl party, which they kept referring to as a “Super Bowl” party, late in the afternoon.  We may have missed most of the first half of the football game that they were playing as a lead-in to the performance, but we were comfortably seated with a stiff cocktail when an army of guys dressed like Roman gladiators in Calvin Klein underwear led an enormous chariot onto the field. 

Take My Wives, Please


by James Tuttle

Gentle reader,

I thought I’d venture back into treacherous HGTV territory this week to share my experience of the new series HGTV’d.  You see, hunky handyman Carter Oosterhouse was the featured designer this time around and there was a high probability that he might take his shirt off because that’s an important part of any television handyman’s job description.

Carter Oosterhouse demonstrates what real men use to trim their chest hair.

The show was moving along in typical HGTV style with the cheesy host, overexcited homeowners, and questionable design aesthetic.  I was able to keep it together because there was still, you know, Carter at the end of the tunnel.  Then, at the six-minute mark and very first commercial break, the perky host asked, “Can Carter live up to the homeowners’ expectations?”  This was immediately followed by a preview clip of the lady of the house screaming, “Oh my GOD! I LOVE it!” as she walks into the newly designed room.  Really?  I give up now.  Where is the suspense?  Where is the drama?  What’s the point of waiting around for another twenty-four minutes to see what they’ve already shown us?  We could be developing vaccines for rare diseases or watching porn or doing the many other things one does when not watching stupid home design shows.  I didn’t even stick around to see if Carter took his fucking shirt off.