Swimsuit Issues


by James Tuttle

Gentle reader,

You know how you can’t seem to walk away from some bad relationships no matter how painful they are?  Even though you know you’ll ultimately be disappointed, you go back for more again and again.  History is replete with examples of these tragic obsessions:  Antony and Cleopatra, Romeo and Juliet, Frank and Ava.  Now you can add HGTV and me to that list because, goddammit, they just sucked me back in with dreamy Carter Oosterhouse.

Oosterhouse is hosting a new show called Million Dollar Rooms.  Really expensive stuff plus a hot carpenter seems like an incredible combination, right?  This episode focused on over-the-top kitchens and baths and there were some stunning spaces, but I can only deal with so many $5,000 showerheads in a half hour and, to top it off, Carter kept his damn shirt on the whole time.  I mean, it’s a show about showers, Carter!  Get with the fucking program!