Models and Other Loose Screws


by James Tuttle

Gentle reader,

After an incredibly long day of working my magic with recently discounted designer duds the other day, I finally reached my little jewel box of an apartment perched high on a Hollywood hill, where I pulled on my pajama bottoms, mixed a low-carb margarita and scrolled down the list of available TV shows.  The E! Network had a rare break in its celebration of all things Kardashian for something called “Scouted,” which was described as following aspiring models “as they are plucked from obscurity and put to the test in New York’s ultra-competitive, high-fashion, professional modeling industry.”  So, of course, I tuned in.

Diego Miguel in "Made in Brazil #4." This is how you really do it. (Ph: S. Shining)

Basically, a couple of girls are chosen by one of four regional scouts for a big New York City modeling agency that I’ve never heard of, then they deal with their shit at home before flying to New York for a makeover, a test shoot and a meeting with the agents.  The episode I saw featured a rich blonde from Dallas and a pretty black girl from northern California with an overbearing, borderline-rude mother.  Texan girl Gillian’s obstacle seems to be that her retired NFL-player father is terminally ill but she wants him to come witness her NYC triumph anyway.  As they walk down the corridor, arm in arm and excited for the trip, I notice that her real obstacle is her big ass and the fact that she’s a little on the short side.  New York will eat that bitch alive.