Even Mob Wives Wear Lanvin


by James Tuttle

Gentle reader,

Mob Wives?  Let me tell you, that is some serious shit.  I can’t believe I only caught the last fifteen minutes of the premiere episode.  Too many mimosas at brunch caused a glitch in my internal reality television clock that would normally alert me that it was on.  It was still long enough to know that these girls ain’t playin’.

The feral molls in fur from "Mob Wives" proudly rule the Staten Island boardwalk, while Lady Liberty quivers in the background.

When I tuned in, the ladies were in the midst of getting ready for Carla’s birthday party.  Though Renee looks a bit like a linebacker in an Anna May Wong wig, she informs us that she likes “getting dressed up, the glitz, the glamour, the high heels, the best of everything!”  We hear these words as she’s zipping up some black vinyl boots (two inch heels max!) and tying a big sparkly crystal necklace over what appears to be a purple sweatshirt from Wal-Mart.  I must say her eye shadow matches the sweatshirt perfectly.