Sookie the Vampire Layer

THE KILLOUGH CHRONICLES

by James Killough

There are a few things I just don’t get about popular culture, but which most people seem to go bat shit about.  One is Michael Jackson.  I never got him.  I hate his voice, it sounds creepy; he is one of two people who will cause me to change the channel or turn off the radio/TV the instant I hear him squeak.  The other is George W. Bush.  And his dancing looks silly, like he’s a gaudy Sicilian marionette being manipulated by a meth head.  The way he dressed was also ridiculous, eccentric in a bad fashion way, because he was absolutely insane.  And his infantilism made me embarrassed for him; I wanted someone to cover him up, to help him not be himself so much.

Anna Paquin's breasts have more character than her facial expressions.

I don’t get vampires, either.  I think it’s for the same reason I don’t really date guys from my socio-cultural background: effete and posh isn’t a turn-on.  Add  pale, slimy skin to that and I’ve got myself a stomach-churner every time I see one of those dudes bare his fangs, be he Alexander Skarsgård or not.