In keeping with Wokeism’s silly, unwelcome critical theory-based reinvention and misuse of language, Killough has coined a few neologisms of his own as a counterbalance — those kooky boors do love a bit of word bashing.

Auto-Antonymic Branding

The practice of using auto-antonyms —  words “with multiple meanings (senses) of which one is the reverse of another” — to brand a Woke construct as the opposite of what it is. Examples: ‘Progressives’ are in fact regressive — there’s nothing progressive about socialism, or a politician in a hijab, a symbol of female oppression; ‘Woke’ is the opposite of enlightened freethinking; in keeping with Marxism, its foundational ideology, Wokeism is illiberal, not liberal.

Contagious Victimhood/PTSD

When you believe you are a victim of something that happened to someone else, usually in the past — the more distant and under-documented, the better — but it can also be in the present, especially if the actual victim belongs to your own race, sex or local 12-step program. Whatever works, as long as it makes you cry at the right time in the interview. Scratchy-throat chin wobbles are acceptable.

Identitarian Alt History

A type of historian’s fallacy that cherry-picks and reframes historical events to fit Identitarian beliefs, usually through the bias of modern culture. It’s a favorite of both sides of the Identitarian Movement: the White-supremacist extreme Right and the Marxist racist-antiracist Left.

The 1619 Project and CRT are examples of leftwing Identitarian Alt History. Variant: “rewriting history to make yourself right.”

False-Flag Activism

Based on Putin’s strategy to create a fake incident within Ukraine that would justify the Russian invasion, this term is paired with the Colombian saying, “They beat the wolf until he bites, just to say he’s bad.”

For instance, by attempting to indoctrinate children with gender-affirmation “grooming,” the Woke are provoking Conservative parents to behave like, well, parents whose children are threatened. Woke activists disingenuously point to the completely justified pushback as “transphobia” that will trigger the mythical “at-risk trans kid in the Midwest” to kill him/her/themselves.

Gender-Fender-Benders

Gender-queer activists when they’re acting super-crazy and rolling delusions. They’re more of a toxic-spill freight-train wreck in the Midwest than a minor car collision like a fender bender, but a good rhyme that adds significance can’t be ignored.

‘Bender’ is also a derogatory British slang term for a homosexual; these sanctimonious twats unilaterally turned “queer” into something positive, but got rid of “fag/faggot,” and tacked a Q on the end of LGBT, despite the fact that sexuality and transsexuality are human nature, not a mess of soggy intersectional constructs sitting in the rain and cold like a bowl of decade-old spaghetti that even famished stray dogs won’t eat.

Glass-Slipper Fallacy

A form of cognitive dissonance that tries to force Cinderella’s glass slipper of objective truth onto the Ugly Stepsister’s misshapen foot, bunioned with fake news, mendacity, communal narcissism, and vested interest in an attempt to magic an outright lie into the truth. Just as the deceptively fragile glass slipper of truth only fits Cinderella’s foot, so too there is only one version of the truth in any given situation, just many ways of interpreting it, which doesn’t prove there are 37 genders, either, but that’s the sort of logic they deploy to create a false reality. Got it? It’s okay if you don’t — have another cookie.

Ignorrogance

The combination of ignorance and arrogance that the Woke and other religious fundamentalists/ideologues across the political spectrum apply to their beliefs. If someone responds to a true statement like “there are only two sexes” with hate laughing and “you need to get educated,” that’s ignorrogance.

Variants: ‘know-nothing know-it-all’ and ‘misinformed know-it-all.’

Karl’s Furies

As the Marxist-feminist version of Charlie’s Angels, these are the high priestesses of Woke who live in the eternal darkness of academic Erebus at the nation’s top-tier schools. Like the mythological variety, Karl’s Furies are hellbent on avenging social injustices they insist have been committed by Whites, “transphobes,” and men in positions of power; however, they themselves brew these pseudo-crimes in their trusty cauldrons heated by outrage. Killough’s experienced suspicion is that this might be a crafty, covert attempt to convince straight women to love vag as much as they do. But most women love the White D — who doesn’t?

See, Hell hath no wrath like a U-Haul lezzer dumped by the fifteenth soulmate of her life for a man. No matter how often it happens, she’ll never learn that seducing a straight woman away from a heterosexual marriage with a few Richter 8-force orgasms will always be a Pyrrhic victory: By saying, “It’s not you, it’s me — turns out I’m a lesbian! Who knew?” is not only the least esteem-crushing way to leave a husband, he’ll be aroused enough thinking about all the porn-vid-style girl-on-girl scissor sex to be generous with the settlement.

And now you know why it’s such a shitshow out there.

Meshugganuts

A variant of ‘meshuggah,’ the Yiddish word for ‘crazy,’ sprinkled with extra nuts to sound like “meshuggana,” which means the same thing but with more syllables.

New Woke Times, The

“The Only Views That Are Fit to Print.” Yes, The Gray Lady herself, once a trustworthy source of balanced, reasonably objective news. Now she’s caught in a Gordian Knot that her 19 cats tied using all her yarns while she was having a painkiller nap.

Selfie Era

Where we are in the here and now. The revolution shall be self-publicized by situational narcissists in a hall of constantly replicating warped mirrors. Being Seen! Known! Heard! is a civil right. Opinions and emotions matter more than truth, reality, and science.

Swish Inquisition, The

GLAAD and/or the HRC. Variant: The Gay and Lesbian Defamation League, acronym: GLDLALLTHEDOODAHDAY+

Tinfoil Halo

The particular delusional, sanctimonious piety of the Woke. If it’s something as off-the-wall as CRT and 37 Baskin Robbins flavors of gender, it’s a “tinfoil halo caked with last year’s Christmas ham drippings.” Thanksgiving turkey works, too.

Whac-a-Woke

Just like Whac-a-mole, but pro-level: every time you whack a Woke trope or concept, two more appear in its place.

Woke Inquisition, The

Wokeism’s beliefs are as fictional as Christ walking on water or multiplying the fish and chips with a wave of his wand, with all due respect to Saint Rowling, Our Wizarding Lady of Sanity and Courage. But you will be burned at the stake if you dare question their doctrine, or even if you merely ask for evidence-based proof in a Twitter spat. It’s also a hat tip to a symbol of the anti-Woke resistance, Galileo, who was pressured by the Catholic Inquisition into recanting the truth, as too many scientists and medical professionals have been pressured to do in the past ten years, giving room to Woke pseudoscience.

Wokie-Talkie

The particular speech of Woke activists and critical theorists, often deploying auto-antonyms. For instance, “diversity casting” for the most part means only casting Black women in roles that were specifically or traditionally written for Whites in the source material, regardless of their sex. Similarly, “inclusivity” only applies to a limited spectrum of people, none of whom are conservatives or Whites and their Asian adjacents. As for “equity,” speak to your banker.