The Longest Death Scene, Ever

Peter Sellers The Party

Even if the President suffered short-term memory loss coupled with Tourette’s and laryngitis for all three upcoming debates, it is almost certain at this juncture that Romney will lose the election.  That’s how little the debates matter in the scheme of things.  And let’s not forget that even Sarah Palin managed to hold her own against Biden in ’08, by memorizing all plausible answers to questions that were likely to be asked, which are finite, as well as a few catch phrases and zingers.  Imagine what damage an articulate, street-wise head of state is going to do to a lame-horse adversary with B-grade, charmless public-speaking talents.

Romney’s is one endless death scene that is painful, boring and enjoyable all at once.  It warms the cockles of the heart to watch a bully go down.  Nothing makes the audience cheer hardier than to see the douchebag who harassed a young Ghey in prep school—and continues to try to pound the shit out of another 47% of the nation—get his comeuppance.  It feels triple good because we all know that in real life the douchebags rarely get their comeuppance, much less in such a spectacular, dramatic way.

Liberal foghorn Michael Tomasky was moved to near-poetic prose this week about Romney’s eminent demise in an opening paragraph for a piece in The Daily Beast:

What a fantastic last two weeks these have been. I don’t even mean Barack Obama solidifying his lead over Mitt Romney, although that’s perfectly fine. No, I mean the near-mathematically perfect joy of watching these smug and contemptible creatures of the right dodge and swerve and make excuses and, most of all, whine. There is no joy in the kingdom of man so great as the joy of seeing bullies and hucksters laid low, and watching people who have arrogantly spent years assuming they were right about the world living to see all those haughty assumptions die before their eyes. Watching them squirm is more fun than watching Romney and Paul Ryan flail away.

Ouch! And… well said!

As if sensing that slow, incidentally comical death scenes have become all the rage for Fall 2012, a scene from a 1973 Turkish film has exploded across the Internet thanks to a posting on Reddit.  It has been viewed over ten million times this weekend alone, and is being hailed as the worst death scene in a movie ever:

As the gladiators went into the Coliseum, they hailed the emperor with, Ave Caeser! Nos morituri te salutamus!  (“We who are about to die salute you!”).  We are changing that to Ave Romney! Nos salutant vos qui quae moritura! (“We salute you who are about to die!”)

To the brave gladiator Romney we dedicate our favorite non-incidentally comic death scene from a movie, the opening of Blake Edwards’ The Party, starring the late, genius weirdo Peter Sellers. 

Carry on, Mitt.  See you on planet Kolob, dude:

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